Bit worried that I am deluded. I have stopped being with someone I loved so dearly, who I never went all jittery in my stomach for but when he was around I felt a bit more complete.
Being with him made me, realise that I am fine on my own. (Which is a paradox really cos are you not suppose to realise that when you are single or totally fucking miserable with someone else?)
But I wasn’t totally fucking miserable.
I felt like I had a great new add-on. Like a super version of that feeling of when you read a book and think “How did I get this long in my life with out know about this great book?”, and being really pleased that you now know of it’s existence because something about it feels so familiar to you and reassures you that this world is for you.
I feel deluded because as much as I try I understand why he has gone away. Around me people are annoyed on my behalf but I get it.
I really believe that he will come back.
But the thing that makes me feel really deluded is that if he does then the world will be a bit funnier and I get his chest to sleep on again but if he doesn’t then that’s okay. It really is and this is a bit of a first for me.